Dearly beloved in the Lord,

Greetings in Jesus name who said, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid" (John 14:27).
Fifty years ago the word divorce was barely a known word amongst most. In fact, one could barely find, let alone, know a person who had undergone such. But today, we find one or more, out of fifty homes, that is broken by divorce. Also 1 person in 100, in a large church, is a divorcee. What could be the cause of such an increase? Can we blame it on western influence, TV, printed media, or women who are now working and demanding their independency?
There is a little truth to each of these reasons. However instead of trying to figure out where the increase came from, we should focus on the question: What is the church doing about it? In my opinion, the church is doing absolutely nothing. The church is not appointing a committee to find the problems and suggest solutions. The church is not even willing to discuss such issues! In my opinion, the church should wake up and take notice of the poison ivy that is spreading, and should take necessary steps towards destroying its growth. Here are my suggestions for the church:
"Conduct pre-marital counseling in churches: i don't know of any protestant denomination either main line or evangelical/full gospel denomination that has this ministry. The church should make it mandatory for all the people who are going to marry to undergo this counseling, online correspondence or seminar or in any other way.
"Be equipped with an array of Christian family counselors: The church should send some of their pastors or Bible school teachers for training in this area. Once they are back from the training, they can provide this ministry to the congregation. They should be able to counsel those who are considering divorce or are having trouble with their marriages.
"Have a course on such issues in all Bible colleges: All Bible colleges should offer a course on psychology, marriage/family therapy and child abuse. Presently, we do not have even one Bible College in India, which offers such subjects.
Tell me my friend; what precaution is the church taking to help those who have trouble with their marriage? Where and to whom can they go for help? How many qualified Christian counselors exist in a denomination, state or a major city? i believe that you will struggle to find even one!
As we can see the need and the problem are both great. The church is closing her eyes to this cancerous invasion, as the casualties increase everyday in court. Consumed with attendance and money, the church is not caring for the flock.
It is time for the church to awake and take action!
Taking a step to attack this problem, this month, i want to give you some spiritual admonitions for those who want to get married and those who are married.
For those who want to be married:
1. Know the other person and his/her likings. Once the family approves of the marriage, you must try to communicate and get to know each other, by email or phone. Ask yourselves:
a) Do you think that you two can live together for a lifetime?
b) Are there any major conflicts in your personal preferences, faith, ministry, and so on?
c) Do you both agree on saving, spending, and all the major aspects of the life in the home?
d) Do you agree on living with your parents or do you both want to build your own nest?
e) What is your preference of worship, tithing, inviting men of God into your home?
f) Mushy and nice talk is good, but such talk also is very necessary during this time to understand each other and birth intimacy - without crossing the fence.
2. Read at least two books, by Christian authors, on family life and marriage. Read at least one good book on the physical relationship of a man and a woman. You can find these books at Christian bookstalls.
3. If there is a pre-marriage seminar, don't miss it. You need to attend such seminars to gain a biblical perspective of marriage.
4. If you have a serious problem physically or with the person you are engaged to, you must speak to your parents. Don't think everything will be all right gradually, because it could become worse gradually.
For those who are married:
1. Read a Christian book on marriage every year. Some people think that newlyweds are the only ones who should read such a book. i say all married couples should read a book every year. There are those who have been married for 20 or more years, and still they file for divorce or live in a frozen relationship, sleeping in two rooms. Though they live under one roof, they are "mentally divorced".
2. Subscribe to a family magazine - if your finances permit.
3. Both husband and wife must attend the same church - if possible. i know that this may not be possible, if one is an unbeliever or in a cult. Otherwise attend one church, and if your church permits, sit together and hold hands while praying.
4. Go to a church where the pastor is living a holy life, married to one woman - He should not be a divorcee or married to a divorcee. Such a pastor will silently be radiating a message to his congregation that divorce is an acceptable solution.
5. When you go to the church you and your spouse should each carry your own Bible, and not share a Bible. You should also take pen and paper to take notes. i emphasize on this.
6. i am disturbed by the current church trend, of having the Bible verses shown on the overhead screen. This discourages the congregation from bringing their Bibles, and i think the devil is using this to take the Bible away from people.
7. You must have family prayer, every day, and all should hold hands during family prayer.
8. Have a special family gathering (husband, wife and kids) at least once a year. The head of the family should pray and bless each person, as did Abraham and Jacob, by laying his hands on their children and blessed.
9. Tithe from your net income, faithfully.
10. Never have anything in your home that is related to other religions, witchcraft or idols. Deut 7:25, 26.
11. Never be in debt. You should never borrow. A believer can only be in debt for love. (Rom 13:8)
12. Save for the future. i suggest that every one should pray to God, for the grace to save at least the same amount as your tithe.
13. The husband and wife must spend time together - walking, talking, or praying. Make it quality time spent together, which will enrich your relationship. Try to pray together, at least an hour whenever it is possible, outside family prayer.
14. Sit together, holding hands, while watching a TV message or talking.
15. Never EVER mention the word 'divorce.' Take it out of your vocabulary.
16. Speak words of encouragement to each other, several times a day. If a person is supposed to drink 8 to 12 glasses of water a day, a couple must say 8 to 12 compliments to each other in a day! Compliment them on a job well done, food made, kindness shown, the dress worn etc. Be lavish in compliments.
17. If there is a problem, sit and talk. Allow your spouse to vent pain or frustration, while you listen to it patiently, instead of getting angry.
18. When you talk, don't blame your spouse. The intention must be to find a solution and bring healing.
19. If you want to mention a weak point of your spouse, sandwich it between two good points, two on this side and two on that side, 2:1:2. That's how Jesus did with the churches in the book of Revelation 2 and 3.
20. Don't allow your issues to pile up, speak about them as they come up, one at a time, not all at once.
21. Never fight when your children are around.
22. If you are constantly fighting, doubting the character of your spouse, and tension in the home is increasing, please visit a family counselor.
a) Both must go. Normally it is the woman who will agree to go and the man will say, 'it is your problem, so you go.' No, you must say, 'it is our problem, so let us go!'
b) Both must go till the marriage is completely healed.
c) If counseling is not working, call the elders of your family and say, "You arranged our marriage. Please help us."
d) Don't wash your dirty laundry in public. However, tell the real problem to those who must be told - remembering to cover and protect your spouse.
e) If the problem is really bad and it is necessary to tell the family elders the trouble you have with your spouse, you may do so. i am very sad that almost no one is doing this. Why not?
23. Stay healthy. Sickness will rob you of your peace and will only invite trouble. Educate yourself on healthy living by reading articles and books on such. Control your food intake. Only eat what is good for you and avoid what is harmful.
24. Exercise every day, whether it is, working in the field or garden, going to a gym, or going for a walk.
25. i strongly suggest walking for an hour, and making it beneficial for your body and spirit:
a) Choose to walk outdoors, rather than indoors, so you will benefit from the fresh air.
b) Walk fast and run whenever you can. Mix it together.
c) Take a Walkman or CD player and listen to a Christian message.
26. Don't hide anything from your partner. If there is something that you do not want to disclose to your spouse, you can keep it from the partner, but if ever they ask you about it, you must be honest and say that you do not want him/her to know it; and explain why. Don't play hide and seek.
27. Let there not be an opportunity for your spouse to doubt you. They should know your motive.
28. Your spouse must never think that you love some one else - even your own kids, parents or immediate family members, more than him/her. In the same manner, your children must not feel that you love your siblings/their children or parents more than you love them. Your immediate family must be number one - every one else second or third. Respect your mother and father - but love your wife and kids.
29. If you commit a mistake, ask forgiveness, and don't try to justify it.
a) If it was a sin or wrong you did with God, you must ask forgiveness to God alone.
b) If it is a sin or wrong you committed to your spouse, ask forgiveness to God and the spouse.
c) If it is a wrong done in public - whether the children or outside - you must ask forgiveness to God and also in public.
30. Honor your mother and father. That includes the parents of your spouse.
31. Protect your spouse. Let no one put her/him down - not even your mother.
32. Know the desire of your spouse and honor it. For example:
a) If your spouse does not like you wearing a particular type of dress, don't do it.
b) If your spouse would like to have a particular chair in the home, try to get one - for the happiness of your spouse.
33. Whenever an anointed servant of God comes your way, invite him over for a meal or a cup of coffee. Ask him to lay hands on, and pray for your whole family. You may not be able to have everyone in your home, but you can have a few. Invite them in and don't miss this opportunity.
34. Never have:
a) Two beds. The Bible speaks about the bed, not beds. Sleep together in one bed.
b) Two wallets. The income and expenditure must be open to both, and both must have equal authority on the finance. Even if only one spouse is working, it is the income of both. One is working in the home and the other outside the home, therefore, both are working and both must have equal right over the income.
c) Two kitchens. i say this because i know some homes where the husband is cooking his food and the wife is cooking hers. Only one meal should be cooked, and it should be "our meal," though each has the right to eat what he/she likes. By the way don't force any food on your spouse.
35. Treat your spouse with respect and honor. Never say anything negative about the family members of your spouse. This will only hurt and not heal your partner. We practice this in our home. i will talk only very highly of the family members of my wife, to our children (or any other), and she will also do the same in regards to my family members.
36. Do yourself a favor - love your spouse a bit more.
37. Clean your home at least once in two years from anything that can assist the devil in attacking you. ( i.e.: idols, or anything related to witchcraft or other religions).
38. Bless - never curse. Bless your spouse, children, home, everything you own, your town, nation, and church.
39. Promote peace. Jesus said, "Blessed are the peace makers." (Mt 5:9). Don't demand peace; just simply give peace to those in your home - even when you think it is difficult.
40. Bless Israel and pray for the peace of Jerusalem.
Finally, enjoy your marriage and home as God intended. i pray that you will have a great marriage that radiates peace to your kids.
Yours to preach the whole gospel,

P. G. Vargis